A Toe By Yagura Phee, Introduction
Being from Vegas, I get a lot stereotypical questions about living here. This is my attempt to answer all of those questions for you:
Q. So do you, like, gamble all the time?
A. Ummmm, no. Just because I live here doesn't mean I gamble all the time. In fact, the only time I hit the strip is when I have guests over or when I'm partying. Vegas would be the last place I would wanna live if I had a problem with gambling. I don't make a living by gambling, I actually have a job.
Q. So, what do you do there? Are you a dealer? Bell Boy? Valet Parker?
A. Sadly, I'm neither of those 3. Didya know, that dealers and bell boys are only paid minimum - but they make their moolah off of tips. Most valet parkers aren't paid a wage at all, only working for tips. However, don't be fooled - these are the most coveted jobs in Vegas; what strip club jobs are to girls is what these jobs are to guys. A bell boy or valet parker can pull in $5000 - $7000 per month, and not even be taxed on it!!! (That's because it's really hard to keep track of tips so your "earned" salary could be whatever you claim) Dealer's not as much, but hey, all you're doing is sitting on your ass and playing cards w/ the tourist folk and still making a great living.
I work for a Medical Software Company that's originally based in the Bay Area. Yeah, there actually are other companies here in Vegas that have nothing to do w/ gaming, whoring, or other worldly industries of debauchery.
Q. Do you have connections / hook-ups?
A. Well, sort of. I never actively looked for connections from the casinos/clubs/strip clubs. I'm not really into that scene. Don't get me wrong though; I party at least once a week. I presently am not interested in breakin' into that side of the entertainment services industry. However, if you are interested in good deals for hotels, casinos, clubs, or strip clubs, just refer to vegas portal sites such as Vegas.com, LasVegas.com, or lvol.com. If you need a host for a weekend of partying, or a bachelor/bachelorette party, you can also give me a holler and I'll recommend ya to someone.
Q. Me and my friends are coming into town. Can we stay over your place?
A. Ummm . . . NO. Unfortunately I'm not a free hotel where you can stay. Unless you're family, a close friend, coming with one of my close friends, or I already told you that you can come and stay, then you aren't staying over. However, feel free to call me up and we'll chill someplace and catch-up.
Q. Is it true that brothels are legal in Vegas? If I call one of the numbers on the flyers they hand out on the strip, will I be able to boink the girl that comes to my room?
A. Prostitution is not legal in Vegas, but any county in Nevada with a population of less than 400,000 is allowed to license brothels if it so chooses. I don't know about those flyers Mexicans hand out on the strip - I've never tried calling for those type of services. If you wanna take care of yo shit though, I've had friends who've gone to those "Asian Massage" parlors and get a "Happy Ending." They also said that if you pay enough you can even get laid.
Q. Being a local, can you take me to the secret casino where you can win the most money? What casino has the cheapest tables?
A. There is no such thing as a casino where you can win the most money. In the end, if you play long enough, you'll lose all your money to the house. Seriously, you should quit while you're ahead. If you do wanna gamble with the lowest minimums, there are different cheap places to go for example, The Boardwalk, Sahara, O'Shea's, and even The Orleans.
Q. So do you, like, gamble all the time?
A. Ummmm, no. Just because I live here doesn't mean I gamble all the time. In fact, the only time I hit the strip is when I have guests over or when I'm partying. Vegas would be the last place I would wanna live if I had a problem with gambling. I don't make a living by gambling, I actually have a job.
Q. So, what do you do there? Are you a dealer? Bell Boy? Valet Parker?
A. Sadly, I'm neither of those 3. Didya know, that dealers and bell boys are only paid minimum - but they make their moolah off of tips. Most valet parkers aren't paid a wage at all, only working for tips. However, don't be fooled - these are the most coveted jobs in Vegas; what strip club jobs are to girls is what these jobs are to guys. A bell boy or valet parker can pull in $5000 - $7000 per month, and not even be taxed on it!!! (That's because it's really hard to keep track of tips so your "earned" salary could be whatever you claim) Dealer's not as much, but hey, all you're doing is sitting on your ass and playing cards w/ the tourist folk and still making a great living.
I work for a Medical Software Company that's originally based in the Bay Area. Yeah, there actually are other companies here in Vegas that have nothing to do w/ gaming, whoring, or other worldly industries of debauchery.
Q. Do you have connections / hook-ups?
A. Well, sort of. I never actively looked for connections from the casinos/clubs/strip clubs. I'm not really into that scene. Don't get me wrong though; I party at least once a week. I presently am not interested in breakin' into that side of the entertainment services industry. However, if you are interested in good deals for hotels, casinos, clubs, or strip clubs, just refer to vegas portal sites such as Vegas.com, LasVegas.com, or lvol.com. If you need a host for a weekend of partying, or a bachelor/bachelorette party, you can also give me a holler and I'll recommend ya to someone.
Q. Me and my friends are coming into town. Can we stay over your place?
A. Ummm . . . NO. Unfortunately I'm not a free hotel where you can stay. Unless you're family, a close friend, coming with one of my close friends, or I already told you that you can come and stay, then you aren't staying over. However, feel free to call me up and we'll chill someplace and catch-up.
Q. Is it true that brothels are legal in Vegas? If I call one of the numbers on the flyers they hand out on the strip, will I be able to boink the girl that comes to my room?
A. Prostitution is not legal in Vegas, but any county in Nevada with a population of less than 400,000 is allowed to license brothels if it so chooses. I don't know about those flyers Mexicans hand out on the strip - I've never tried calling for those type of services. If you wanna take care of yo shit though, I've had friends who've gone to those "Asian Massage" parlors and get a "Happy Ending." They also said that if you pay enough you can even get laid.
Q. Being a local, can you take me to the secret casino where you can win the most money? What casino has the cheapest tables?
A. There is no such thing as a casino where you can win the most money. In the end, if you play long enough, you'll lose all your money to the house. Seriously, you should quit while you're ahead. If you do wanna gamble with the lowest minimums, there are different cheap places to go for example, The Boardwalk, Sahara, O'Shea's, and even The Orleans.
posted by Mikee at 7:54 PM
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